spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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