I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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