I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
