Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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