i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
