i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
