Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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