It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize