Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
