I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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