This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
