We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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