She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
