sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize