i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
