so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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