It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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