Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
