Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize