i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
