I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
