omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
