We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
