I wish they made helmets for livers.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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