my phone needs a breathalizer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
