As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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