I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
