I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize