just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
