He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So vagazzling was a success
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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