In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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