bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
