I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
