.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
