My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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