shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
