just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
