sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
