I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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