for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
