is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
