neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
