I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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