I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
