Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
