Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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