I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
