I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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