Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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