Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
