It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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