I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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