Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love having hate sex.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
