kristin has been a bad kristin
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize