I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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