As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
