you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
