hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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