god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
