I can't breathe out the right side of my face
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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