Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
