yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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