I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
