We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
