return my video game
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize