Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
