I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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