Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
