Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
