I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize