Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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