i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We had to coat check the pizza.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
