Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
