Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
