That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
