I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
