and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
