and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
