They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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