so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
