I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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