Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
