My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
