I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
