somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize