he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
