Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
