I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You can't motorboat a personality
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
