I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
