Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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