I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
