You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
