I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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