You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
