I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
