My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
