how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
