I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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