dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
