I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
