I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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