so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
