how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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