She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ttyl tear gas
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
