Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
