im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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