So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
