The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
