My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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