I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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