Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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