So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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