I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
