i think my tv is drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need a beard to bite.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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