so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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