please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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